The end, almost. The End.

My mom called me. My Gran died at 1:30 this morning, about if not exactly. My phone had one missed call, 1:42 AM. I told her earlier, "Hi Grandma." and that's all I got to say. No more I love you, I just couldn't bring myself to say it without crying. I wish I had told her, seen her, one last time. But she wasn't her, she wasn't the same Gran from only a month ago. It's hard, I'm only 19. I wasn't ready for her to go. I still can't let go. I still need my Gran. My heart feels like it's in my stomach and I want to throw up. She promised me, she said she would get better. I can't even imagine my Gran lying to me, but she did. I think she knew but she fought it to the end. I don't know what to feel. I'm full of pain and sadness. My Gran is dead. There is nothing I can say or do. There are no more frog ribbits. There are no more Goodwill trips. There are no more times to call Gran for help. There is just pain. She didn't even live to beat her mom. No more birthdays, no more Christmas, no more anything. My stomach is really killing me now. I've shut down majority of emotion but it keeps rushing back. My head is aching now. Please save me! I can't handle this.