....=[

I never saw myself without my Gran. I never wanted to. But as I sit here crying my eyes out and barely being able to swallow, it's hard not to face the shadow of darkness hovering in the corner. I can't bare to be in the room. She can't speak now, even though I talked to her not too long ago. Not much earlier she was able to talk to me, like always. She can barely swallow, she can only open her eyes to look at you a moment and barely nod her head. I told her I loved her, she opened her eyes and smiled and grasped my strong but wavering hand in her weak, trembling one. She looked me in the eye and smiled. I'll never forget it. When I close my eyes and think of my Gran, I want to see the strong woman without the cancer. The woman who would always give me time to talk to her, no matter what. When no one else was there to hep, there was my Gran. When no one else was there to listen, there she was, my Gran. My chest aches, my nose is sore, my eyes are clouded, I can't breathe. I wish I was dying instead, it feels like I am. I don't want to lose her, my wonderful Gran. I can't stand this pain. My glasses are coated in tears, my heart in aching pain. I can't be here to watch anything else that might happen, I can't handle to even feel anymore. I wish I was leaving with her. I don't want her to leave me. Never to leave. I can't see my life without my Gran. I want her to stay with me. I ask for her to stay with me.I don't want to be without her. My wonderful, beautiful Gran. My wonderful, beautiful Gran.