What do I do, or say? How would I say it?

I am just a terrible person I guess. I mean, what else can I do? If it comes to having a way to take care of my son I guess I gotta do what I have to, but having sex with someone I can't stand is very difficult. He makes me sick, and when you start crying during and after I would think that would prove something. I despise my situation, I despise him. I wish it was different so I wouldn't feel like a fucking whore paying up for using money to take care of myself and my son. I feel so disgusted with myself....but what else can I do? If he takes the money and leaves us stranded...I have no way to work and take care of him right now. I can't afford daycare, I don't trust some people to take care of my little baby especially with the reputation of them around here. And I have no way to take myself anywhere, I have to rely on my mother right now. I still need a battery, I need the car in my name, I need to transfer insurance, I don't know what else but I know there is so much more I have to do. If it wasn't for the money he would be out of my life, I don't want to feel like a whore any longer. =[ All I can do is apologize to the one I really love, and apologize for how it is. What else can I do? What else can be done? I give up trying to type right now...my head is a mess and I'm full of self-loathing.